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Finding a Sober Romance

 

Anyone who is working to overcome an addiction should be aware that it can be a daily struggle. The longer you’re sober, the easier it will become. However, you need to make sure you have the right influences around you. A relationship can have a huge impact on your sobriety. In order to help ensure your continued success, you should look into finding a sober romance.

 

Why Sober Romances?

 

A sober romance for someone in recovery is advised because they need to be around sober people in order to make the most of their sobriety. Those who drink or do drugs aren’t necessarily going to force sober people into using again, but they can be an unwitting influence. With a romantic relationship, it’s crucial that you are with someone who you trust and who can treat you well. If there’s the divide between sobriety and substance use (or abuse), it can create a problem that won’t be remedied with any ease whatsoever. There needs to be a balance in a relationship between personalities, but sober people are best off being in relationships with those who are also sober.

 

How to Find Sober Romances

 

You can meet other sober people through recovery programs such as Alcoholics Anonymous or Narcotics Anonymous. These services shouldn’t be used for dating, but they’re great ways to forge connections, both romantic and platonic. You can also meet people through sober gatherings on websites such as Meetup.com. You can also use online dating and specifically request people who’re also sober. You should make sure to find similarities with people beyond sobriety as well.

 

Forging Connections

 

When starting a sober romance, it’s important to be as honest with the other person as possible. Be clear about your experiences, not only with sobriety but also with dating as a whole. You might have painful memories that you don’t want to revisit, but you shouldn’t keep anything guarded. A relationship cannot survive if the people in it are afraid to be vulnerable and open with one another.

 

You should also make sure you have a connection that goes deeper than being sober. Mutual sobriety is sure to be an important part of your relationship, but it shouldn’t be the only thing. You should be able to converse with one another in a way that feels natural. You won’t connect on a romantic level with all other sober people you meet. This isn’t a bad thing, but you shouldn’t force something that isn’t meant to work out.

 

Dealing with problems

 

All relationships are bound to run into occasional troubles. With a sober relationship, you have the added difficulty of maintaining your own sobriety and caring for another person. It’s a balance that can be struck, but you have to be mindful of it. Clear communication must be stressed in order for your relationship to thrive. If you are feeling lost or frustrated about things, you should tell your partner as soon as possible.

Middle-Aged Sober Dating: A Few Tips

Are you in your midlife? Are you re-entering the dating world? This can be both an exciting time and a stressful time. You may feel anxious and nervous. This may be complicated by the fact that you don’t drink.

Studies now show that there are many more middle-aged single (divorced, widowed) people than ever before. The average life expectancy has increased in the US as well. People are now living to be age 71 to 81. So folks who find themselves single in middle age have so many years ahead of them!

If you have been away from the dating scene for a while, it can be difficult to get back into it. Finding a sober companion when you are sober can present more challenges. But you should not be thinking of this as a difficulty. This is actually an advantage.

Being sober makes dating more genuine. No one is getting drunk to mask nerves or anxiety, and two people can become genuinely comfortable with each other in a much shorter amount of time. You also won’t make any bad mistakes when you are dating sober. How many times have we all woken up next to someone we really wish wasn’t there when we are in active addiction?

Dating while middle-aged is an advantage, too. As we age, we learn more about ourselves. We have a better understanding of who we are and what we want. We no longer feel the need to waste time on relationships that aren’t a good fit.

You may be scared if you find yourself to be single in midlife. And that’s understandable. Living as a sober middle-aged person presents new challenges. But these things should be perceived more as positives than obstacles that need to be overcome. When you embrace who you are, you’ll find that your age and your sobriety can be your strength.

4 Wonderful Things You Will Find When Dating Sober

Even though it’s estimated that around 30 percent of adults in the United States do not drink, it can seem awkward to start dating someone new while being sober. I don’t know about you, but for me, when I was drinking, anytime I met someone new, we went out for drinks. Hell, half of the time I was drunk WHEN I met someone new. But the good news is that you can date while being sober, and it can actually be a better experience. Here are a few things you will figure out as you start dating without drinking.

1. There are many alternatives to getting drinks.

There are a ton of things to do that don’t involve drinking, and most of the time, these things involve a more creative date atmosphere anyway. Maybe you go out for coffee. Maybe you go to a juice bar or a smoothie bar. Maybe you go to a museum or go for a hike. There are a lot of different options that are available to you.

2. You’ll make better decisions.

I’m sure you have so many times where you’ve woken up with someone that you don’t even know why you hooked up with. The night before, maybe you even felt like they were annoying or you had no chemistry, but alcohol can make anyone look like a great person to sleep with.

3. You will have more genuine connections.

When you are sober, you are able to be more honest and think clearly. You are able to really feel your feelings, listen to other people in a more authentic way, and be your true self. This means that the connections that you have with others will be far more sincere.

4. You will know when you’re actually ready to have sex. 

When you’re drinking, you end up sleeping with people just because. There is a lot of awkward tumbling and hasty condom unwrapping. When you are sober, you don’t feel like you are in as much of a rush. And you are able to more clearly assess where the relationship is and what you are comfortable with.

There are many reasons to enjoy sober dating more than dating while drinking. These are just a few. The best way to discover the benefits of sober dating is just to try it!

Why You Shouldn’t Worry About Dating Your First Year of Sobriety

Taking the step to stop drinking and get sober is huge. A lot of people say you shouldn’t worry about dating and relationships when you’re in your first year of recovery. If you are already in a committed relationship when you get sober, that is one thing. But if you have been casually dating around or if you are single, you should try to stay single during the first year. Why? There are several reasons.

Your First Priority Should Be Your Recovery

With detoxification, rehabilitation for alcohol abuse (whether you need an inpatient or outpatient treatment program or both), and aftercare, you will be busy. It is hard to go through the processes you will need to go through to heal if you are focusing on your girlfriend or your boyfriend. Once you get into a recovery program, there will be a lot to do as well. You’ll need to go to meetings and work the program–whether it’s the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous or the 4 points of SMART Recovery. If you have a sponsor in AA, they will likely discourage you from being in a relationship while you are working the first year of the program as well.

You Need Time to Focus on You

Anytime you have made a major change in your life, you will need to readjust to make sure you are taking the time you need to focus on yourself. This is especially true with the life-altering decision to get sober. You need to figure out who you are again. You need to figure out what you want to do, what things you enjoy, and what your goals in life are. Now that you don’t have the distraction of alcohol, you will have a lot more time to figure out what you want to be doing with your life.

You Need to Figure Out How to Date Without Drinking

If you’re anything like I was, when you were drinking, your life revolved around that. This means that anytime you started dating someone new, it was probably someone you met at the bar. Or if nothing else, you probably went on your first date at the bar. Dating while sober is a whole other ball game. Once you get into it, you will see that it is a lot more genuine, and you are a lot more likely to make good decisions.

You shouldn’t feel like you have to be rigid about this. If you’ve only been sober for eight months, but you meet someone special, obviously go with your gut. But this is a general timeline you should think about following. Once you have put in the necessary time you need for your own healing, you will be in a place to be in the most healthy relationship you’ve ever been in.